Fantastic Four Falls (though did it ever really stand up?)

rise posterI’d like to say a little something about this new Fantastic Four film, “Rise of the Silver Surfer”, because really anything more than a little bit is giving it too much credit.

I did not like the first film, I wanted to, but it made money (as it seems this one is also doing). But I loved the teaser for Rise so much, in which Johnny gives chase, the Surfer grabs him by the neck, drags him into space and then lets him go…bam that was the end! that I was willing to give it a chance.

The only good thing about this second installment was the trailer for “Live Free or Die Hard” which I hadn’t seen, which my friend hadn’t seen either. It was a new trailer, and I was watching it just as I had left the previous theatre no more then ten minutes before as the credits to Die Hard were beginning their crawl. The trailer was exceptional, “Ode to Joy” booming over the top. I wanted to walk out and watch it again.

Maybe it was that I loved Die Hard so much, but Rise was boring! I wanted to love this movie. I was ready to argue for this movie! Saying it’s a family film, that it reminds me of the cartoons from the 50’s…but there’s just no getting over how much it sucks. Even kids who see this film are going to look back in fifteen years and wonder why they liked it. It’s the equivalent of “Krull”.surfer and johnnie

Most of the first half of the film dealt with petty squabbling and “family moments”. None of which were entertaining. Yes, we know what special powers they have! Yes, we understand that they can use them in semi interesting ways in every day life! You don’t need to show and repeat this the first half hour of the film! Most of the film’s conflict revolves around the “is Mr. Fantastic ready to put saving the world on hold for five minutes so he can have a normal marriage” dilemma. I’m sorry, how much do you hate the woman that says, “I’d rather get married than save the world from being swallowed.” Selfish! (And when did Jessica Alba become not attractive? She looked and acted like a cross between a Greek statue and a Barbie Doll.) That’s one of the major problems, no one, not even the filmmakers seems to take the end of the world plot all that seriously. Emotional gravity is thrown out the window for light humor and gags…even Doom doesn’t seem to be smart enough to know that all the power in the world won’t matter, if there is no world.

Let’s talk about the worst film villain ever. Dr. Doom’s visual personification resembles Senator Palpatine from “Return of the Jedi” at one point, Vader at another, Dr. Claw at another and Magneto at another, not only that, but the actor’s performance (whose name I won’t mention) hams it up so much that he comes off as dopey, not evil!

The Surfer (one of my fav comic book heroes) stands in the background for most of the film and then does nothing really. Four as OneHe actually relies on the Care Bear stare to win in the end. But he’s so stoic it depresses the viewer. And Galactus is visualized as a giant ball of space dust and fire…which is far from thrilling. I would imagine that even the portion of energy he sucked from planet earth at the end would have sent us into an ice age, and if that wouldn’t have happened, the intergalactic sized explosion that happened just outside our ozone would have wiped out all of Asia and pushed us off our revolution around the sun!

The few chuckles are elicited from Johnny and The Thing…which they never actually call him in the movie. There are some shiny visuals, but the special effects are flimsy.

Tim Story (the director of the fun “Barber Shop”) is the wrong Director for this kind of film. He has no vision. Says action, cut and goes home.

This movie was lame. I’m getting bored of talking about it. Oh, wait, because everyone is talking about it, do they finally get married in the end? Watch and find out for yourself, and wave goodbye to Mr. Fantastic..

2 Responses to “Fantastic Four Falls (though did it ever really stand up?)”

  1. Josh Says:

    That’s awesome. Why even make another FF movie?

  2. Phillip Says:

    Great thing is, you can find more clips of the original FF movie from 1994 on youtube. Great stuff…great stuff.

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