One thing that Phil-zine used to be before I brought it to the blog verse was a self-study on my accomplishments and failures in the film industry, my creative ambitions and my personal life, and many times how these intersected. It’s something that with this post I hope to start delving into again.
As a writer I’m sometimes plagued with ideas that I have to write and I can’t sleep until I do so. That’s how the script, that what first was called “Darkness” in its infancy of a rough draft was called, began. At the end of the first draft, which I finished earlier this evening, the title has shifted to “Passages: Born into Darkness”. Like my last script “The Cabin” (which I may rename to make it more thematically relevant and I guess interesting) it was born from a few very frightening dreams. While “The Cabin” dealt with my relationship with women and the emotional trauma I had been going through at the time (read my write up on Ingmar Bergman), “Passages” seemed to stem from a seed that wanted to deal with my family and my religious upbringing. I began writing it nearly a year ago, breaking to work on a script with my old roommate (which while it’s still making rounds at some agencies we’ll begin rehauling with a new draft soon enough.) It was a good six or eight months before I came back to it.
I was surprised how relevant the first 45 pages still were to me; I guess I still have a lot to get off my chest concerning my family life and childhood – don’t we all while in our twenties! Unlike my other scripts I didn’t begin with a treatment, but started writing and let my feelings and fears carry me through. It’s undeniable that this first draft is all over the place, but I believe I’ve kept closer to my theme than I have in the past, which might make it stronger in the end, though no less palatable to the Hollywood system.
In essence “Passages” is a religious fantasy, much like Bergman’s “Seventh Seal” I suppose and draws some allusions from “Andrei Rublev”, but probably on a more juvenile level as it also combines elements of psychological horror films. Intrigued? I am. At least I will be when I sit down in two weeks and read the script to take notes.
I finished it this evening while going through yet another romantic upheaval/failure. I have had many recently. It’s easy for me to disappear and finish these stories when such things affect my life. Sometimes I wonder if I seek out relationships that have no chance of even beginning just to be able to close myself off to the world and get some creative work done. I think I’m going to put all of these feelings into my next script, which I’m considering calling, “Sometimes, a Kiss is just a Kiss” (that should be taken far more cynically than it might sound), and continue to work on my first untitled play, why don’t I call it for the moment, “About a Murder”, since that’s what it’s about.