10,000 B.C, Vantage Point, Semi-Pro: Getting My Toes Wet

10,000 BC Chase

For the last few months I’ve been involved in two things that have been destroying any chance to break free and blog: getting a new theatre company up off the ground called Theatre Unleashed – they actually made the mistake of voting me in as Artistic Director. I’m a democratic leader.

I’m certain as I continue to forage the paths of creative ways to present theatre to Los Angeles I will be blogging here. I will also put a link up to the President’s Blog and our own Theatre Unleashed blog shortly. It’s keeping me extremely busy, but it’s also giving me the opportunity to not only expand my own opportunities as an artist (i.e. actor, writer – in fact I’ve written my first stage play that will be performed for our first group of one acts in June) but to nurture other people’s art, which is almost just as exciting.

If my thoughts don’t always seem as precise as they have in the past it’s because I’ve had a stress induced headache for about two weeks now.

Oh! The second thing is a business I’m starting up, which I’m one third of the ownership and staff video editor. Unfortunately our Panasonic camera continues to fail us and we have to take it in for a third repair. Things are happening to this camera that have never happened to any camera of it’s kind. I am cursed when it comes to making money.

Stress.

So here I am finally blogging again, I’ve gotten the chance to see a film that has inspired me to write, but I won’t be writing about that in this blog. I feel it’s only fair to quickly take note of the rubbish I’ve managed to see since The Spiderwick Chronicles, which was quite good, and there’s a blog in the wings to finish about that.
In the year 10,000 BC not only did things not make sense geographically (they go through three temperate zones in under 24 hours), but it was as boring as leading a Christian life, which makes more sense than saying it was boring as sin (sin, while implying wrong, certainly does not imply boring). That statement I just made is far more logical than anything that happens in Emmerich’s new special effects trodden, uncooked popcorn film. In fact it’s like reaching into a popcorn bag and pulling out uncooked buttered kernels. There is nothing of flavor to enjoy. It would be fine if the film sucked, like The Day After Tomorrow, which was so bad is was good, but here the film is just not enjoyable in any way, shape or form.

The music beats away like we must be enjoying ourselves, and there are so many special effects that you wonder if you should be, but nope, you’re not. Emmerich, the director of not only The Day After, but also Independence Day, Godzilla and Stargate can’t find a single thing about this movie to allow us to enjoy. For the third time he has single handedly10,000 Ostrich copied the Raptor scenes from the Jurassic Park films (and by singlehandedly he found people to give him money and help him produce for the third time), and each time they have gotten more ludicrous. In Godzilla it was baby Godzilla’s, in TDaT it was wolves mutated by the bad weather (quite hilarious actually), and now in B.C. it’s giant ostriches. Huh? Wha? you ask. Yes, giant Ostriches make through the tall grass of The Lost World taking out cliche spewing bad guys just like the Raptors in Spielberg’s less than gem of a sequel.

And that’s the problem with this piece of crap. It’s a carbon copy of a carbon copy of a carbon copy. He’s managed to build some tension and goofy fun in other movies. But here, the moments are dead.

The only thing I did believe is that a man would be willing to travel across the world to save a beauty like that. Camilla Belle is gorgeous.

10,000 BC hottie

Vantage Point however wasn’t just bad, it was insulting. Did I really have to see the same exact moment from five different points of views to “get it”. By the time you get half way through the film you’ve already seen the first 15 minutes of the movie over and over again with no new information added.

And please the whole war allegory was just lazy and forced, from Dennis Quaid shouting for a medic to the on the nose line “The war will never be over,” you end up rolling your eyes more than being intrigued by the device. And that’s all that this movie is an invention that should never have been patented.

The direction is amateurish. The editing sloppy. The script haphazard. The choice of music is dopey. The dialogue is dopier (as if anything could be). Sigourney Weaver is completed wasted. Matt Fox is really not very good. I couldn’t tell you what Forrest Whitaker is attempting to do.

The only twist that is left out of the trailer you can guess before the first act ends. Act? Ha, I’m sorry. There is no filmic structure. My mistake. The third act (there I go again) of the film breaks the rules it’s set for itself. And they hinge the final moments on a dog piling of cliches. Not very exciting.

Semi-Pro, Will Ferrel’s recent flop that got hundreds of people fired from New Line, made me laugh. The movie itself is a lesser Major League, if there could be such a thing. The surprising thing about it, that helped the film, was it’s darker tone. Most comedies now days are lit light and flat. If you want to laugh, you’re going to do it in the daylight.

Semi-Pro has a richness in the style of filmmaking and sense of humor. There are scenes that hardly begin and seem like they’re going absolutely nowhere, then suddenly become some of the most brilliant comedic scenes I’ve taken part of in a movie theatre in a long time. One in particular had me sitting on the edge of my seat and crying I was laughing so hard.

For all the swishes in the film, there are also several air balls, the story itself is kind of “eh”. Even this is saved by the wonderful comedic performances from the cast. Andrew Daly gives one of the best comedic performances I’ve seen in a long time. Andy Richter, Will Arnett, Andre Benjamin, Rob Corddry even Tim Meadows… Each of these actors gets to dig in a little and have some fun. And that’s the joy of this film. Will Ferrell has his moments as well, especially when he lets Woddy Harrellson take over the film for a large portion of time. Not great, but after the above clunkers, it’s a welcome break.

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One Response to “10,000 B.C, Vantage Point, Semi-Pro: Getting My Toes Wet”

  1. Angeles Goluba Says:

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